to know or not to know

I was sitting with a friend one day after school and we were having a pretty light-hearted conversation. After a good long laugh about something, there was a long pause. Then she reset the mood to a serious and thoughtful one by asking this question: Are you scared to die? I haven't really thought about that question before so i was pretty stumped on that question. It's a really good question to think about though. also, really open ended. I'm sure everyone is scared to die. Nobody is prepared for it and nobody gets ready to die. This led me to another question: would you want to know when you were going to die or would it be better left unsaid? This answer came to me right away. for me, it would be better left unsaid. I wouldn't want to know because that gives you a timeline, an hourglass with sand determining the rest of your life. I wouldn't be able to do anything and think about anything other than how much sand is left. People should know that life is invaluable and you only have one (not necessarily if you believe in incarnation and afterlife) so you should try to accomplish whatever you want to before your time is up, even though you don't know when that is. another reason i wouldn't want to know is because I love surprises. Death is not a very good surprise but thats just another explanation. and i guess this goes back to the question of fear of death. yes, i am scared to die but for the time being, i'll live in the present and the wonder of not knowing.

toeprints

"Hold my hand, hold me mommy"
she said it like she meant it
the water only went up to her calves
and then she'd tippy toe
up on her little toes
she'd tippy toe and she didn't go in
"Mommy let's go, c'mon, mommy"
she whined when she said it
because she meant it
she never liked being the youngest
mommy never listened
she sat in the sand
on her big fat butt
or derriere i should say
'a cup of comfort'
i hated that book
but mommy seemed to love it
she wouldn't go in the water
even when she said 'mommy please'
"Mommy please just come"
but she didn't
so she sat on the edge of the water
where the seafoam just reached her toes
to wash off the sand on the tips of her toes
from tippy toeing in the sand
she looked at seashells by herself
while mommy sat and read
sipped from her little 'cup of comfort'
and all along baby was tippy toeing
along the water and who knew
another baby would see the little toeprints
and say "Mommy come"

abortion controversy (comment about jasmine's post)

i've always had a hard time when asked the question, Do you believe in abortion? and it is a hard question. but i think i'm leaning more towards pro-life rather than pro-choice. pro-life is when you don't support abortion because you believe that the fetus is a human. pro-choice is the opposite, a supporter of abortion. I think the reason i don't support abortion is because it wasn't the baby's choice to be put in that situation. It's not its fault, it's the mother's fault for being irresponsible. i also believe that the baby's life begins at conception. it's been proven that the baby's heartbeat starts 21 days after conception. If you don't think a being with a heartbeat let alone a heart is a human being, then i think you lack one yourself. a heartbeat proves that a being is alive. another reason i don't support abortion is because it isn't safe. there are many risks that you put yourself at as well as your future planned baby. there is a chance that women will also have more miscarriages later. Then there is the emotional factors. Insecure women could get the feeling of depression, that they regret their decision. that is certainly not a feeling i would like get stuck with for my whole life.
Then there's the pro-choice view. i believe that every child should be a wanted child. if the mother knows that she cannot provide for the child a good life and a good bringing up, she can consider abortion. but then she can also consider adoption. also, the world is overpopulating right now and i'm sure every life makes a difference. a woman also has the right to control her own body and no one has the right to impose their morals on somebody else. so i'm stuck in the middle, between pro-life and pro-choice. i don't know if i'll ever pick a side. i'm sure people can pick when theyre under pressure though.

PostSecret

I did what Malia said to do. I'm talking about postsecret. it's where you send in a secret on a postcard but it has to be a secret and no one can know about it. I took a lot of time on the site on blogger.com and it was really interesting. there were some wacky secrets on there but then i realized that these postcards are totally anonymous. so i decided to do one. it took me awhile to come up with a secret. i had to think about every aspect of my life and myself. What made it harder was that i'm a pretty open person and theres nothing really i have to hide. but then i found something. it was a good feeling. people say that writing out your feelings is a great stress reliever and a good way to let it all out and i couldn't agree more. that's why people have journals-a place where they can write all their feelings and emotions and let it out to something that won't tell. but anyway, i was really excited to start drawing so i did. i wanted to be really creative so i tried hard. when i was done with it, i had the best feeling in the world. i let a big part of me go, almost like putting a message in a bottle. it felt really good to look at the postcard and just read it but not feel a thing for it because i didn't feel what i felt before when i had the secret. i simply read it. i saw the words but they didn't sink in. not this time. oh and this gives me a great idea for my final project. =].

Premonition (comment to Taylor)

Hi Taylor =]

I watched the movie too ( im pretty sure we watched it on the same night, just to point out ) and i have to say i agree with you. I have to admit, at first i didn't want to watch it because it wasn't something i felt like watching on a saturday night. I went online to see a plot outline and i found that it was pretty interesting. when the movie started, i was pretty anxious for the part that she would find out her husband died. As the movie went on, i was pretty confused as to how the days were mixed up and if there was a specific order. And then i found myself wondering how the end would turn out-if he was going to die or not, if it was a dream, i wanted to know. The turnout didn't surprise me at all, however, because i just put pieces together and i listened to the things she said. she said most of her emotions out loud and i translated her body language and found that i was content with the way the movie ended. it reminded me of that saying, "everything happens for a reason." But then i started to wonder if it was really true. I'd say that this goes beyond the factor of belief and reason but also religion. Religion, to me, plays a part in how you interpret this saying. If you believe in God, then you know that the bible states that He is everywhere and he controls what happens to people. I've had doubts about God before and to this day, i don't know if i believe this saying. There have been no huge, life-changing events that have happened to me but i have yet to encounter those, then i can decide. But for now, i'll just live in the present.


“The past is behind, learn from it.
The future is ahead, prepare for it.
The present is here, live it.”
- Thomas S. Monson

Ivy League vs. The Rest (comment to Maddi)

oh wow Maddi. i couldn't agree with you more. and this is good timing seeing as how next year we're gonna be juniors and that's prime college time. and must admit, i was one of those people that thought they needed to get into an ivy league school to do what i wanted. As i got older (and a little wiser) i realized you don't need to go to a super prestigious school like yale or harvard to succeed in life. a person out of high school can go anywhere he or she chooses. the choice is based on what they want to do and what college can fulfill their needs to achieve their career goals. Sure, parents have fifty percent if not more of the decision of where they want their child to attend but it shouldn't always be that way. The child is attending the school so they should choose what environment is best for them and where they think they can get the most done for themselves. i can see how a school like ours is a college prep school and most students make an ivy league school their goal. But everyone has different goals. College is a big decision and choosing one isn't any easier. Hopefully people realize this before going under all that unnecessary pressure of it all.